Marriage: "Going back means my death '

A few days earlier Nesayem unsuspectingly boarding the plane. She goes against my better judgment, on vacation to her family in the Middle East. There is no cloud in the sky.

Until she suddenly gets a white wedding dress in her hands. "Marrying my cousin. I had never seen him, "said Nesayem. "I was not in love and had not himself chosen him that my father did for me."

Yet Nesayem is forced to join in the ceremony: in a culture where family honor is crucial, murder is not shunned. "Divorce does not exist within our culture," she explains. "You are sentenced to life together. The only solution to leave the other is murder. "

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Adjust the altar Nesayem met the man with whom she would share the rest of her life. The bride and groom hear during the religious marriage for Muslim use three times 'yes' to say.With each "yes" they pronounce, Nesayem is flooded by a wave of fear. "My family was close around me. I was petrified. "

During the wedding night Nesayem being raped. In traditional cultures, the standards relating to sexuality are very strict. During the community should example of the woman's blood are shown. This bleeding serves as proof of virginity. "It was horrible," said Nesayem."I could only think of suicide, and whether I would lose enough blood."

PROTECTION

According to Ineke van Winden of the Centre against Child Trafficking and Trafficking (CKM ) are different motives for marrying off by country, community and even by family."Marriages is culturally deeply rooted. To prevent unmarried pregnancy and protect the daughter, a family may decide to arranged marriage, "Van Winden. "This allows deterioration of family honor can be averted and purified the name of the family."

Winds stresses that marriages comes from an old tradition. "A group culture different from the individualistic culture as we know it. You are fully in service of the community. Victims are afraid of being abandoned or killed if they did not accept the commitment. "

HOUSEHOLD

After marriage Nesayem pulls at her in-laws. As a woman, she is responsible for the household. They will do equally silent. Then she says she regularly had to deal with domestic violence. Not only by her husband but by her family. "You're completely in the hands of others," Nesayem continues softly. "I had never cooked, but it is expected of you that you feed the entire family. If I did my job and my husband gave his delight, it was okay.But if not, then it went horribly wrong ... "

The subject is sensitive. Nevertheless, the Islamic open talks about how the marriages formed her. With the help of a friend Nesayem managed to escape when she was allowed to visit her father in the Netherlands.

ASSISTANCE

In Fier , the expertise and treatment in the field of violence in dependent relationships, Nesayem is safe. They stay in one of the reception, where they will receive specialized assistance to process the traumatic events.

Yet she remains wary. Nesayem know that the family seek her: she should take her place as a married woman. But return is not an option. "If one family member harms the community, it means that all family members lose their honor." She pauses. "Going back means my death."

GREY AREA

The Dutch law allows marriages not punishable. Forced marriage is, however, seen as illegal. According to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) of the United Nations (UN), everyone has the right to a free choice of partner and marriage may be concluded only with the full consent of both partners. "It's a gray area," Ineke van Winden of the Centre acknowledges against Child Trafficking and Trafficking (CKM). "Where is the border between forced marriages and early forced marriages? Those are some subtle differences. "

* Due to privacy reasons, the name of Nesayem fictitious.

Source: http://www.metronieuws.nl/ by Els Anchor Photo: Metro