"I wanted to share my grief with other widows'

The widow Monica During experienced it firsthand: support is so important. She's going to help fellow sufferers. "People have no idea how far-reaching it is when your husband dies. ' Monica (42) is her living doing construction. There are purple sofas, golden walls and a new floor. ,, I now do with no one to take greater account, '' quips Zwolle. She is busy with the future, she notes, and she has even already looking forward to Christmas.

How different it was 1.5 years ago when her husband Joop died of lung cancer. Her fine house-tree-animal life was turned upside down. ,, It was a total breakdown. Everything you've built is gone. No future, no goal. You have nothing more to your feelings. All you do is survive. And sometimes you think, why is it? ''

No idea
Her son Daniel, then eight years old, gives her a reason to get up each morning. ,, I immediately realized that my son would miss his father for the rest of his life. I was suddenly only the family afloat. That responsibility is heavy. Many people have no idea how profound that is. Someone said to me that it would have been worse if I had lost my child instead of my husband. ''

Monica can tell openly about it, occasionally she swallows a tear. She immediately signed up as a volunteer when she heard about the project for widows and widowers under the age of retirement. If they report the death of their partner in the municipality of Zwolle, they are called after a few weeks asking if they need practical or emotional support, or assistance in finding work.

Mourning deal
Depending on the need, a specially trained volunteer, like Monica, linked to the widow or widower. In addition, teachers and employers are informed about how they are best able to deal with mourning.

If the trial after 1.5 years is a success it will be extended to other municipalities. The Ministry of Social Affairs pays one-off 122 000 euro. ,, The idea came when I was in conversation with younger women, '' said State Secretary Jetta Klijnsma. ,, They told what an impact did the death of their partner in their lives and it was so hard for me inside. We hope that families come faster story if they can talk to anyone. ''

Monica can not wait until she can help other young widows and widowers. For the past few months, her lot of life lessons learned. With ball on number one: accept help from family and friends. And for the environment of a relative: Offer to help.

Pan bring food
,, People say quickly: call me if I can help with anything. But we do not so fast. It is too big a step to call someone and ask for help. Therefore say, we will now do shopping together? I've missed you. Someone who just came to bring a pan or eat dog out walking for me. I was two days after the death of my husband alone in the Jumbo, which was very difficult. ''

People find it difficult anyway to talk to you when your husband has just deceased, Monica observes. That you are standing in the schoolyard and almost nobody dares to say anything. ,, I understand that it is very difficult, because what do you say? But say so. It absolutely nothing matter how you express it exactly, attention already means so much. "" Monica also wants to give practical help. Telephone subscription of converting the deceased partner, for example. And tell you what it takes financially at you.

Mourn

When Monica in January lost her job as a receptionist, she risked losing her survivor's benefit in exchange for WW. ,, It was so hard for me. My husband was dead and now I was too lost my money. I'm so glad I was there personally called by the UWV, because I had no idea. ""

But the most important thing the young widow to others can provide a listening ear. Mourning is a thousand times ,, tell your story. It's nice to share it with anyone who has experienced the same thing. I would have found myself very much. ''

ad.nl/ Deborah Jongejan / © AD / Dingena Mol.